Introductions and Raw 5-9-16

I love wrestling. I have loved wrestling since I saw Warrior charge down the aisle; fists pumping, music blaring. I have loved wrestling since Ric Flair and Randy Savage at Wrestlemania 8. Since Undertaker served under the Million Dollar Man. Since before Honky Tonk Man was the Grestest Intercontinental Champ of all time. Since Rikishi was Fatu and Heartbreak Kid was a Rocker. Since way before What? and RIP Mitch. That's why I started this blog, to talk about my passion for the sport; for the history and the theater and the athleticism involved. Wrestling is my calling; except I'm 6ft and weigh a buck seventy so I won't be stepping in the ring as anything but a manager any time soon. 

So yeah, I have decided to do the only thing I can do; start a wrestling blog. Each week I will break down the shows and offer insider opinions as well as a fresh and humorous look at the world of WWE. So I guess I should make without any further ado and...

"We have arrived is not a cry for attention: it's a warning."

MONDAY NIGHT RAW RECAP

5-9-16

So Wrestlemania is now firmly in the rear view mirror (with the feud between Roman Rains and AJ Styles heating and cooling at apparently the same time) as we head into Raw. The opening of the show was a bit stale, with Y2j doing his "I'm the best ever," Heel routine. The crowd seemed to get a bit hotter with the arrival of Big Cass; who showed up to tell Jericho about the new era and then give him a nice big boot off the apron. Overall the show open was cold though, really nothing more than a bit of receipt for the fans. This was followed up with Stephanie attempting a face turn and jumping on her brothers coat tails. I do love it when "Here comes the money!" hits and the crowd looses it. Shane is quick becoming the biggest Face in WWE. 

Then Flair shows up for some classic Flair with Charlotte for a classic "Dad help me," sketch with Shane O; and it feels again a bit cold. I keep waiting for Shaq to show up. 

Then there's some more promo from Styles and the Bullet Club. As a bit of background (if you haven't been watching) Styles dissented from smashing Roman Rains face in with a steel chair at the behest of the Club last week; a favor which Rains returned via cheap shot. Maybe they're finally building to that Roman heel turn. 

More promos. Sami Zayn and KO talk tough but have little Mic skills; oh and great they get paired with Miz. This whole "new era," angle is off to a rocky start, but at least guys like KO and Zayn are here to please never talk again either of you. 

Finally the first match and it's a doozy. Charlotte takes on the lovely Paige with Natyla taking shit on the mic ringside. Paige goes hard early, but Charlotte uses those Flair tactics to gain the advantage. It's really amazing the way that Charlotte channels her fathers antics, the whole "don't touch me," routine is great. Paige I would assume is the Face here, but the crowd again seems lukewarm to her. 

Flair takes over the match before a great sunset flip reversal and then an onslaught into the corner. Charlotte kicks out after receiving a knee to the head, the kicks out again after a super kick into the second false finish in a row. The match swings back to Charlotte for a moment before they end up on top of the turnbuckle and Paige gets a well executed suplex into yet another kick out. After a series of pins, Paige goes for the Sharpshooter but Charlotte gets the rope break. Then the match gets really god when Charlottle goes for a dirty pin, Natyla gets involved, Paige slams Charlotte and Daddy Flaor shows up. 

Shane O Mac kayfabe arrests his natural ass and the Schmoz that follows leads to Paige getting the pin. For a Raw match it's a 4 out of 5. 

The next match is not as much of a doozy, but as you'll soon come to understand I fucking hate Miz. Sami Zayn works so hard in this match, but Miz is flat as always. It begins with the old collar and tie, which is nice for me as an old schooler; but the beginning is slow and sloppy compared to the woman's match. When Zayn turns on it gets better. His speed and technique are what made the Takeover match with Nakamura so enthralling; and he shows his skill again here. Hopefully Vince will bring him up for good. Zayn controls early on before some manager interference which leads to a great Irish whip which Zayn flips out of and grounds Miz. It feels like they are playing Zayn up as a smart guy; for instance he hits the ring when he almost counted out then goes back out to deal more punishment to Miz. Zayn keeps working and Miz keeps...being Miz as the crowd chants Zayn's name.  Miz picks it up and takes control leading to some more close kickouts. Miz misses the Skull Crushing Finale then hits a DDT and Zayn kicks out. Miz misses the figure four gets pile drived and kicks out as the momentum shifts. Zayn is essentially fighting for this new era and its apparent that he has to slow down to Miz's slower speed to sell moves. It doesn't look like he's quite got the slower WWE style as opposed to what he used to in NXT. Zayn avoids submission via rope break then is saved by the ref seeing Miz's dirty pin attempt. Zayn hits the finisher and gets the pin; this further cementing the New Era. 3 out of 5. Less for Miz. Miz gets a D for being Miz. 

Then we have to sit through the coked out ramblings of Zack Ryder, who I will never understand; as well as more cold Kevin Owens. KO is great in the ring, and for that matter so is Ryder I'll admit, but there is a serious lack of mic skills from the New Era. What they need is a Flair or a Randy Savage, but at least they're not all Psycho Sid. 

Roman and Usos appear to the usual mix of boos. Roman can't talk and the Usos can a bit; but the promo is still so cold I stop listening after about four seconds. They should make Roman a Heyman guy too. 

Gallows and Anderson come out to further cement the New Era, followed of course by the incomparable Styles (jk, Y2AJ) and I really start to hope they might win this one. The Styles/Roman match at Payback was great and all six guys here can wrestle so. 

Romans music should include boos. They come Raining down on him through the din and (according to the eyewitness fans) Roman fucking hates it. He should just fucking embrace it like the greats (Gorgeous George, the aforementioned Flair) and be the Heel we want him to be. 

The match starts hot with Jey Uso getting hammered by Gallows; but the momentum quickly shifts. The A'noi boys make quick heel work of the actual heels with a three on one, before our hero Y2AJ tags in to even things up. Anderson gets in and Bullet Club takes back over. THE CROWD IS LUKE AS WARM CAN GET. But the Usos still get an U-SO cheer so hey there's they. 

Jey gets eliminated and now I'm like, oh fuck Roman is gonna take them all down alone. Now that it's three on one Roman and AJ hit the mat, but jk then The big lug goes out there so Roman can cheap shot Styles and be superman. Jimmy gets his Uso cheer and then Gallows takes back over with a big boot; then he tags in Anderson who gets rolled up by Jimmy and eliminated. Oh boy here it comes. I bet Gallows goes next then Jimmy then duh that's obviously what happens. Jimmy actually gets eliminated first, leaving poor Roman all alone against AJ and Gallows. Gallows goes in and gets an obvious super punch and count out; Styles comes in hot and nails Roman a bunch. But you know me, I'm just waiting for Roman to have his Hogan moment and Hulk out and win. Styles does his thing, coming over the rope and out with a ferocious forearm. But in setting up the announcers table he gives Roman the time to have his Hogan Moment and come back; tossing him into Michael Cole's chair. Roman then does the heel thing before Anderson comes out of the crowd with a steel chair and Roman gets the dirty win. The Usos return to save little cousin Roman and the Schmoz is the best part of the match. Roman hits some lame spears and the crowd is cold, but then Styles gives him an irenage, goes for the Styles clash but Roman escapes and they share a heartfelt moment of stare down before Roman picks up the chair and...and...AND...drops it at his feet. I'm just glad they didn't find out their moms name was both Martha. Roman gets booed, or maybe Styles for not upsiding Roman's head, and the match finally ends with Roman holding the Triple H invitational belt. 

Match: 4 out of 5. Ending Schmoz: 5 star. 

After that nonsense we have another New Era match, but this ones New Era v New Era! I'm not a Ryder fan, but he's fine in the ring. KO goes to work early, "looking to out Ryder away," but he ends up getting ass dropped by Coke boy outside the apron. However things change when Ryder hits an amazing flying drop kick from the top turnbuckle and goes for a pin. but the they just trade missing moves for a while; leading to an attempted boot and another trip outside the ring. Ryder brings KO back in then hits a massive elbow drop from the top for a false finish, then sets up and misses again with momentum shifting back to KO, who gets the quick pin. A short match and not very good either. Should have gone before the six man tag. This match also sets up the fatal four way with Ces, Miz, KO, and Sami Zayn.  

2 out of 5. 

They the show Enzo getting injured and it's kinda weird. Big Cass hits the mic in the Gorilla position and talks shit on Y2J. He also gives a cute shout out to his injured partner. But the crowd loves his ass I guess. Not as much as the amazing Tag Team Champs. 

New Day Rocks. New Day Rocks. They just do. Deal with it. I guess they're feuding hard now with the Vaudevillians, which is...sure fine the New Era angle, whatever. I like the gimmick because it's a gimmick; I'm so sick of these RKO/Cena clones (see Roman Rains) and I am ready for some amazing old school gimmicks. The thing that's great about the New Day is that they're just different from a lot of the other gimmicks we've seen. 

But oh fuck. 

The Dudley Boys are here. Get your tables. Get the fucking tables. 

This match is my main event. 

And so of fucking course it's open isn't televised. Seriously Vince.

Anyway, there better be a table soon. 

The match starts (well at least what I could see) with the Bubba takin control before Kofi gets away and makes the tag to Big E. E hits his big splash (but without the trombone which makes me sad, so be it!) before Kofi gets back in and momentum shifts back to the Dudley's. Devon does some damage and - SERIOUSLY WHERE IS THE TABLE. I'm starting to think there won't be a table tonight. Sad. 

The match is a bit slow which is to be understood since the Duds are getting up there in years but. 

Table? Nope

Jk 

New Day Rocks. No table for Kevin. 

At one point JBL says "the man has a family." Which is funny. 

As to be expected, VVs show up and cause New Day the match (title not on the line) and fuck. 

No tables. Bullshit Vince. I was promised tables. 

Also I'm coming around on the Vaudevillians. 

5 out of 5. Wait, 4 out of 5 for no tables. 

Now for the main event! Sort of. Whatever. It's Big Cass and Y2J for the "my friend got injured championship." I'm just waiting for Y2J to run in, but it doesn't happen. Even though his entrance started the show, fuck this is Jericho, he's doing the double baby! But then he gets fucked up for all his stupid showboatyness and his jacket is stolen by...

Who could it be?

Oh shit

Welcome to the Ambrose Asylum mother fucker. That ghost is wearing your jacket. 

Jericho screams that it costs 2000 dollars which is also funny. Ambrose shows how much that means to him (Jerocho also the says it's worth 1500) by tearing it up. Then they have a breif and meaningful altercation; but Y2J forgot about Big Cass. 

Cass shows him what's up by sending him into the Dirty Deeds by Ambrose and then he scissors up the lighty jacket. It's pretty great but the match with Cass never happens. JBL is very concerned for the well being of the jacket. 15,000 dollars is now how much the jacket costs by the way (according to Shane and Steph.) Vince's brood share another weird bit which ends with Steph totally turning face. Jericho also gives another value for the jacket. 

RIP Mitch. RIP Jericho's Lighty Jacket. 

No match but this gets a 5 out of 5. 

That's all for this week, join me again won't you?

kevvo